What to do with Fan Girls, A Paradox to a Parody
by AthenaV
Summary: parody of the story "What to do with fan girls" please read FlyingFish15's story first
1. Chapter 1

This is my first story about my favorite movie. This is a paradox of what might have happened in another story that i loved, "What to do with Fan girls" . The characters other than Karli,are not mine. also, the original story, "What to do with Fan girls" by FlyingFish15is not mine but everything else came from my demented head.

If you have not read "What to do with fan girls", please read it before reading mine.

She had waited for this day her whole life. As she walked down the lonely subway tunnels that lay under New York, her mind began to drift. The subways had obviously not been used for quite a long time because not only did they smell, but also the floor was covered in puddles that echoed her every footstep. She mentally cursed herself for not only predicting that the floor would be wet, but also because she had no plan and no idea where he would be. Though, even if she had known all these things, there would be a very slim chance of a surprise attack considering that the portal would have been open to everyone on earth who wanted it. She then considered how many people would have come through. She would have to kill them all if she was to earn his favor. What would He be like? Would he welcome an eager mind to teach? Probably not, the only people he liked were dead nor had some kind of interesting novelty about them. Never mind she told herself, she would make him take her in. aroused from her thoughts, she heard running footsteps. Not a moment to soon, she slid into the shadows like a ninja and a girl sprinted past. Karli watched as the girl tripped and, carried by her speed, sailed through the air and crashed to the ground. Before she had time to get back up or even catch her breath, her jugular had been sliced with expert precision. As Karli walked away, she thought, 1 down, who-knows-how-many-more-to-go. She turned around and with the toe of her black combat boots, she flipped the girl over. On her shirt it read "I wuv Kroenen", that's just disgusting. She expected that from a Twilight fan, but this is just sad. As she walked down the tunnel, again she heard footsteps. This time she decided to let the girl live so she could follow her to Kroenen's lair. As the girl ran by, Karli realized that she was not alone and that the first girl was in fact being followed closely by several other girls and what appeared to be a very hungry Sammeal. At the sight of the hellhound, Karli made sure that she was as far into the shadows as possible. When she was sure that they group was gone she crept back out into the light to inspect her surroundings. Suddenly she felt the sharp cool steel of a blade on her throat and at the same time her arms were clamped to her sides in an embrace that she could not escape. The blades was close to her vulnerable neck, but not close enough to kill her but enough to ensure that she was not going anywhere. In her ear she could hear the rasping of a gas mask. "Vhy vhat do we ave here?" the thick German accent was dripping off his words.


	2. Chapter 2

Sorry for the long wait! Things got very busy for me, but here it is.

I hope you enjoy it!

Then everything went black. When Karli woke up she was on a table, and it was freezing. She had heard what Kroenen did to his victims. He had a long and dark past of torture and murder. Her natural instincts were to panic but all her training kept her calm. If she was still alive, then for whatever reason, he wanted her alive. But for how long? As she tried to get a firm grasp on her surrounding, she realized that luckily she was completely unharmed except for the fact that she was strapped to a operating table, but otherwise unscathed. She was the only one in the room. Well, the only Living thing. It looked like a medieval dungeon, stone walls and it created a sharp contrast to all the modern shelves. The table she was on must have added a sharp contrast to the room as well. On the shelves was a variety of "things". Some appeared to have been living but had been pickled. There also was a variety of occult items. On the counter was a wide variety of nasty looking medical instruments. Most were sharp but some looked just evil. One that caught her eye was a sort of corkscrew blade. "What could that possibly be needed for?" she thought to herself. Suddenly something caught her gaze. The door started to open, creaking on its hinges, rust cover after years of neglect. And there he was, Karl Ruprecht Kroenen, in the flesh. He was wearing a gray lab coat that appeared to be covered in blood. As she started to speak he abruptly cut her off. "Vell, now zat you are here as you vanted, I have a surprise for you." He said in a very thick German accent.

"What! How…whaa...but…how..how do you know who I am?"

"I think you should be worrying more about your current predicament then on how it happened. You see, my Master, has decided that since I have been getting progressively...um... well… more violent… to interrogates, that I should have a "pet" and that is why you are still alive."

"So I'm going to be your guinea pig? For what exactly?"

"Vell, if you behave then the experiments that I know won't kill you. But if you prove troublesome, then they will get increasingly more risky. Ja? So I would do my best to stay on my good side.

"…"

"Vhat, am I scaring you? I thought you were tough?

His tone was almost mocking. Karli knew that to survive she would need to gain his trust, and to undergo many operations. The only problem was that she was deadly afraid of needles.

"so, first you need to meet my master, he will decide whether you die now or later."

He came around to the table and started undoing the straps that held her down.

"I have been waiting for a new subject for a while. My last, did not even survive the night, but he did try my patients. With his screaming and writhing. I hope that you won't do the same. Follow me."

She tried to jump off the table but something caught her foot and she fell forward onto Kroenen. He grabbed her wrists to stop her from falling. She looked up into his dark lenses. She thought she could almost feel a sort of humor coming from him.

"Are you all right?" his tone was kind and concerned.

And then from the doorway came a woman. As she entered the room, there came a long sigh from Kroenen.

"Well, is this your new "pet" Kroenen?" she spoke as is Karli was invisible.

"Yes, Ilsa, this is Karli. And Karli this is Ilsa, she is one of my co workers. We were just about to go see Rasputin-"

"Well you can't, he is in the middle of something very important." The woman was tall and thin and almost stretched, like someone and taken a very short woman and stretched her until she was tall enough.

"He told me to see him as soon as she was awake, so get out of my lab and find something to spend your time on besides barging into my business!"

Kroenen's voice had grown louder and louder until Ilsa ran out of the room.

"She is alvays getting on my nerves, and getting in what is not her business. I guess Rasputin is busy so maybe we should get you ready for my first experiment."

"Ok…um what should I do?"

"Vell I need to know the measurements of your hand so I can find one that will fit."

"Wait, so what will fit?"

"Your robotic hand." He pulled off his glove and showed her his own metal hand. "I thought it would be a good place to start."

Please Review! I love any feedback you have.


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